Bastard Squad

   At 4am I woke up from a dream. You know those kinds of dreams where you’re put into an annoying or frustrating situation in order to practice your coping skills? Yeah, it was one of those, but with a rallying crescendo at the end.


   It was time for cirkus practice and we were in a large room There were about 50 or so people present, all sitting in folding chairs lined along long tables, much like you would see in a cafeteria. It was time for practice to start, but no one was practicing. I was still busy doing prep-work, focused on some little chore to get ready. As I walked through the room I saw everyone sitting around, looking bored, having idle conversation. One person made a sarcastic comment to another saying something intentionally trivial to flex their annoyance that no one was taking charge.


   I JUMPED up on a table. (I was GOING to kick the objects off, but all there were were some nice-looking pastries, so I left them alone.) And my rant began.


   “Youuuuuuu BASTARDS! When I first moved to this town I had NO friends. (In a self mocking tone:) And I was soooooo sad, and I felt SORRY for myself, and I sat in a corner all alone. And listened to the Cure.” (editor’s note – I didn’t, but I’m teasing my friend Rachel here, even in my dream. I DID, however, do all of those things when I first moved to MI and had no friends..)


   I continued, “But I realized that if I wanted to find people of good quality; smart friends, fun friends, clever and sharp friends, then I was going to have to work on showing that I was the kind of person they’d want to meet. Woody Allen said, ‘I wouldn’t want to join any club who’d have me as a member.’


   Now I have PLENTY of friends who are dirtbags; don’t get me wrong. I’m friends with scumsuckers, bowery bums, lowlifes, and pirates. Present company included. But I needed to build something, to create, and for that I needed amazing people, excited people, people of action. And so I had to BE that in order to attract them.


   So are you gonna be the kind of sit-arounders who are just waiting for someone to tell you what to do? NO! Are you gonna be lollygaggers and mouth breathers? NO! We hold these truths to be self-evident; that we have gathered here today for ONE purpose: to make ourselves better. And to help eachother get better – okay, two purposes. And nice pastries.. You know what I mean!


Now get off your asses! The time is NOW, the future is HERE. You HAVE the lever, you HAVE the place to stand, now let’s do some Earth-movin’!” (Thanks, Archimedes!)


   I woke up still standing on the table, and still ranting. For 22 minutes I let it roll around in my head, fading more by the minute. I write it down as a lesson for ME. Because I know I am the one on the table, but sometimes I’m also the one in the chair. Sitting, lever-in-hands, moving no Earths. I’m thankful my subconscious Sensei cares enough to wake me up, even when I’m wake-sleeping.